Grace is Gone (2007)

Three words to describe this movie- Short but impactful. This movie may not have computer-generated imagery, nor not many casts as well (Yes, I did count the number of cast for this movie when the credits rolled up, about only 14-15 only), but the story was depicted perfectly on how a father, Stanley Philips played by John Cusack, struggles to find courage to tell his two daughters Heidi and Dawn about their mother’s death during her serving the country she loved. Throughout the movie, the essence of him bringing his kids to Enchanted Gardens was to find meaning in this life, and coupled with his ways of grieving the loss his loved one.

Unexpected deaths are never easy. I can say this because I have been there. Throughout my life, I have never lost anyone dear to me, until the year 2013, when my grandmother was sent back to the heavens. It was so abrupt, so sudden that I did not get a chance to say my last goodbye, and it hurts until to this very moment. Stanley also has this sudden blow to the face when two soldiers came with the message that all families that have members serving their country dread about. Once he got this news, he began his first stage of grief, which is Denial. Denial happens when we block out the situation, and hide the facts. This can be seen when Stanley was reluctant to tell the two daughters about the mother’s death. Additionally, it was also depicted when he calls the house to update his wife on their whereabouts, however, as we watched the movie more, we soon found out that, he wanted to hear her voice, still, he was in denial. He couldn’t fathom that he will never see his wife, ever again.

After deciding that he will not tell his daughters yet about the death, he spontaneously went on a road trip to the Enchanted Gardens, where they all went once together as a family. En route to Enchanted Gardens, apart from the grieving process of Stanley, we could see how he tries to find meaning of his existence. Few examples was when he did the spontaneous trip, sure it was out of denial, but it could be the fact that, he wanted to make sense of his life after her death. Next would be an interesting scene, when he let loose of himself, the scene when he did ‘doughnuts’ in the field, and when Heidi asked him why he was doing to which he replied by saying “I do this all the time when I was a teenager”, and “I did not put a ton of thought into everything he did when he was a kid”. I believe it is implied that, after his wife’s death, he knew that death is unexpected, and that it is time for him to live life to the fullest.

On the way to Enchanted Gardens, he stopped by his mother’s house, only find out that she is not in, but his brother, John was. John later goes for dinner with Heidi and Dawn, but Stanley did not tag along, he isolated himself, and was in a short moment of depression, this stage is called Depression. His brother soon knew what happened, and when he was trying to convey his opinion to his brother, Stanley lashed at him. This would be Anger in the stages of grief. This anger can be projected to anyone or anything. Though he pinned his brother to the door, John knew that this anger was not on him, but the result of Grace’s death, to which later they both embraced.

Before continuing their trip, Stanley made one last stop at the gas station to make a phone call to hear his wife’s voice again, he then depicted the Bargaining stage of grief, where he mentioned that when they came to Florida before she was shipped out, he wanted to apologize that he was angry, and the reason he was angry was because he was ashamed that she was going and not him, and that the girls would be better off if she did not go. This scene implied that he felt guilty of how he behaved when she was alive. Guilt is often bargaining’s companion, Stanley was trying to negotiate his way out of the hurt he was experiencing.

After hours of driving, they finally reached Enchanted Gardens, and even though they were enjoying themselves, the audience knew that, their joy will be short lived, as it was already made clear that the father would soon reveal what has happened. As they were heading back home, you can see that Stanley was hesitant on telling, but he took the courage, stopped by the beach, and finally said it. I think, Stanley needed to accept the fact that Grace is gone, and realize life should go on. I believe this last scene is the last stage of grief, which is Acceptance.

To conclude, I liked how the movie ended with all three of them waiting for “the time of the day”  at her tombstone so that they think about each other at the same moment, it shows that even though she’s not here in this world anymore, that does not mean they should stop loving her. I will end with this quote:

“If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them.” —James O’Barr.

Reference:

Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2014). On grief and grieving: Finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss. Simon and Schuster.

Sybil (1976)

Haunting. Rage. Anger. Disturbing. Empathy. Horror. Overwhelming. Harrowing. Intense. Terrifying. These are some of the emotions I had during the movie, and after I watched the movie. In my opinion, this movie is much scarier than horror movies, because it involves the disruptions of one’s life because of another person. The damage that has caused her to be that way is much terrifying than demons and spirits. Well, that is just my two cents. Also, like the movie Awakening, Sybil, would be listed in my imaginary list of All-Time-Favourite Movies. Sybil is based on a true story about a woman who suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) that is deeply rooted from her childhood abuse.

There are few scenes that are so painful to watch that even a super egotistical person would shed tears. Basically, the retrospection of Sybil when she was 5 years old hits the spot. That innocent and adorable face, and the pureness in her voice caught everyone’s heart I bet. With this then came along her mother, who confused her with real meaning of love. She poisoned her mind. As how Dr.Cornelia Wilbur mentioned in the movie “Love is necessary, but when someone says come here, and then a hand comes a pinch you, that love is spoiled” Honestly, I felt a great deal amount of hatred towards the mother in the movie. Yes, I know it is just a movie, but that is what good movies supposed to make us feel right? We feel what the characters feel. The scenes of little Sybil tripping down the staircase, she getting kicked by her mother, being punished by putting her in the wheat bin, and worst of all the scene in the green kitchen.

Little Sybil 

I believe, everyone should be educated on how child abuse can forever scar their child’s life. It is said that most cases of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is caused by abuse, this movie portrayed really well on the horrific consequences of having really horrible childhood days. The period of someone’s childhood is the most important period in human development, it is when we learn new things, everything seems interesting to us, even a trail of ants on the wall would mesmerize us. We encode new languages, we take in new knowledge, interpret the environment that we live in and we observe and model people’s behaviour. Almost all important events in our lives happen during the childhood moments, and what happens when all these are taken away, or a child was abused during these vital developmental stages? It carries to their next development stages, it will affect them in so many ways, physically, emotionally and psychologically. In the movie, Sybil was severely abused by her mother. Her mother abused her physically, emotionally and mentally. I cannot imagine a 5 year old going through all that, Sybil really wanted to leave the house, she begged the doctor who took out her tonsils to take her away. She reluctantly leaves her grandma when she was being called by her mother. She was deprived of the most crucial aspect of life, a mother’s love. Thus, in her later days, she always asked Dr.Wilbur what is love? She has never experienced that for most of her life, because of her abusive mother, and what do you know, she healed because of the unconditional positive regard that she received from the doctor. There was a scene when Sybil wanted to explain a dream she had of Dr.Wilbur, after describing, the doctor mentioned that she loves Sybil, and the totality of her. Sybil did not hear those words for a very , very long time, and she finally felt loved for the first time.

When Sybil met Dr.Wibur for the first time

In my opinion, I am on the fence of whether DID is real or not real. I mean, as Dr.Goh mentioned, it is very rare to find cases of DID, which means it is real? But, then again, he mentioned that most of these cases are in the USA, where movies like this are being produced, which imply people are just making up the symptoms to seek attention? I do not know, but I would not want that disorder to happen even for my worst enemies. The portrayal of the DID symptoms is the movie was accurate enough to also educate laymen on this disorder, for example, in the beginning of the movie, Sybil was having flashbacks of her horrific incidents, and then all of  sudden she is standing in the water. Then, we saw both Sybil and Dr.Wilbur talking to each other about her tunnel visions, her blackouts, her loss track of time, amnesia, loss of self, and of course her various “self’s”. As always, I like to learn more from watching videos, and I found this short clip on her symptoms, here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kPIDt3yu1M 

As for the therapy, yes, Dr.Wilbur did violate some ethical aspects, such as counter transference, having multiple relationships, and broke confidentiality when she told Richard about her illness.  She was being a ‘mother’ and a therapist towards Sybil, but I think it was necessary for the treatments, because, only then, Sybil would trust her, and hey, if Dr.Wilbur did not inform Richard that she was going to kill herself, he wouldn’t had even know that ‘Marsha’ was going to the roof top for that reason.

Overall, I felt that this movie deserves to be re-screened in this decade. Sally Field who acted as Sybil, “Vanessa”, “Peggy”, “Victoria” and the rest of the personalities did a tremendous job in this movie.  This movie would move you and give you the chills at the same time, and odd combination, but you see for yourself, then you would know.

'Peggy' held traumatic fears of Sybil

'Vicky' who speaks french, is poised and confident

Whale Rider

Few months back or about a year ago, I saw a video on Facebook that bewildered me. It was a wedding that was held in New Zealand, and the bride and bridegroom were standing in front of a group of men, and all of a sudden a war cry started. Initially, I was appalled, and amazed at the same time. I questioned myself, why were they screaming in that manner while banging their chest, and stomping their feet? Then as I Googled, I became aware of the tradition of the Maori people. Here is the link to the video, though I initially saw it on my Facebook news feed, I wanted to learn more about their culture, so I found the video on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUbx-AcDgXo

The movie Whale Rider took me deeper into understanding their culture, and I love learning new cultures. Their language sounds so unique, their tradition, the way they greet each other by touching each other’s nose, and they most importantly, they take pride in who they are. This movie also touched on how a little girl called Paikea strives to prove her grandfather, Koro that she is worthy to uphold the lines of chiefs, which implies that every woman deserves a chance to show what they are capable of.

One thing I observed throughout the movie was how patient Pai was with her grandfather. The grandfather sort of resented her, because whenever he looks at her, he thinks of the baby boy who could become the future chief. However, at the same time, he loved her. A concept that could relate how Koro was feeling would be cognitive dissonance. Koro sees Pai as unworthy, but still loves her unconditionally. Getting back, to how patient Pai was, knowing her age in the movie, she is matured enough to know that whatever Koro said to her was not really his intention to hurt her. A scene that could exemplify her maturity, was after Koro told Porourangi that she is no use to him, Pai went to the shore, and her father came along to comfort her, and she said “He didn’t mean it..about me”. Most kids in her age would rebel, or sulk or not talk to their parents after such thing happens, but she did not because you can see that Pai really, really loves Koro more than anyone in the world, and she has she never raised her voice, even though she really wanted his approval.

This movie also served a good message for woman empowerment. Paikea was raised in a patriarchal tribe, and only the first born male has the rights to become the chief. However, a tragedy occurred and they lost the first born, therefore putting Pai next in line, but she is a female, so Koro had to find another alternative. But, throughout the movie, we saw that Pai was the obvious one to become chief, she has everything that a future chief should have, she is no different than the boys who came for Koro’s class to learn their ancestors’ ways and traditions. We can relate this to the glass ceiling effect that women are facing today. Even though we are living in the 21^st century, there are still not many women holding higher titles in the corporate world. We know women are as good as any men out there, but still we struggle to climb up the corporate ladder. I am starting to become a feminists, and I think both genders or all genders should have equality in everything and anything.

In short, I loved the movie, it was an eye opener to the Maori culture, their language, their tradition and customs, and I am particularly still dazed by the Haka dance. It is a wonderful family movie which I think would inspire anyone, especially young girls out there, that with the patience and determination like Pai, you too can be a ‘chief’ one day.

Forget Paris

Paris-The City of Love, that is where it all began for Mickey (Billy Crystal) and Ellen (Debra Winger). The movie started off with their married friends waiting for them to arrive for dinner, and while waiting, each couple that arrives at the restaurant starts sharing their wonderful and adventurous love story. To be honest, before watching this movie I thought once someone has already found their significant other, everything would be okay, you would not feel lonely, you would have a happier life now that you have your other half to share their whole life with (this is what you would hear from anyone that is single, for example, moi).However, my perception was short lived after watching this movie, as the saying goes, “It takes two to tango”. Love is not all chocolates, roses, butterflies and sweet stuffs all the time. It is a journey, lifelong learning on how to adapt with your partner, to compromise, to tolerate, and to accept their shenanigans.

            Love is a about choice. You would not want to jump into a relationship just because you feel lonely. These temporary states of flux would push us to have a companionship, then after getting into one, we would soon regret it. In the movie, the spark between Mickey and Ellen ignited when they were in Paris, one thing lead to another and they were hopelessly in love with each other. Initially, it seemed like they needed each other’s presences. When Mickey left Paris, and they were doing long distance relationship, Mickey could not bear it. He was frustrated, he was miserable, and he starts displacing his anger towards the people around him. Then Ellen shows up at his doorstep and agreed to marry him. Further into the movie, we witness that, they both have different goals in their lives, she was not happy when he was and vice versa. Then in one of the scenes where Ellen actually mentioned to her friend that maybe she just started this relationship because she felt lonely, and was is it because of the rebound she had? However, as the movie progressed we knew that they did not “need” each other, but they “chose” to be with each other.

            Love is about understanding and empowering. Understanding is one of the most powerful weapons a couple could have in their battle to keep them alive. In the movie, the most prominent conflict Mickey and Ellen had was not being able to spend time together as a married couple, because of their jobs. Mickey left his job to become a car salesman just to make Ellen happy, but deep down, he was not happy at all, but on the other hand, Ellen was feeling wonderful with what she had, and vice versa. We can see how each other’s goal is not fulfilled. Good relationships supposed to make the individuals in it to flourish into something better, to give that extra nudge to propel you to greater heights, but this is not the case for both of them at the beginning. Ellen did not support Mickey’s goals and neither did Mickey on Ellen’s wish to get the job which required her to move to another different country. Nonetheless, as most of the romance movies, they both came to a common ground and compromised on each other’s dreams and ambitions.

            All in all, any type of relationships takes a great deal amount of work, I am not saying like it is a bad thing, I am saying that, if we want a relationship to go as how someone would want it to be, we have to work for it. Although the final scene of the movie was cliché, where Mickey realizes that Ellen is worth it, after a few seconds of pondering and gazing at the saxophone, he realized that Ellen is worth all the trouble and he wanted to go back to her to make things work. Relationship should be this way, where if something is broken, you do not throw it away, you fix it.